To show my gratitude to you and the soliders in Afghanistan, my girlfriend Haley and I decided to buy you a 'manly goodie pack' as a present whilst you're on the front line.

As you may recall saying to us,

"postage to any BFPO (British Forces Post Office) is free as long as it's within a 2KG weight limit."

Well, as always, your information is inaccurate and useless. Because Haley and I live in the United States and not in England (a.k.a. the 'country of handouts'), there's no service where I can send 'free' parcels. In fact nearest offer the American parcel service could provide us was a discounted price only if you resided within an APO (American Post Office) camp, which you don't.

After having an recent conversations with your chief of staff (a.k.a our mother, because she still washes your dirty clothes for you), it was unanimous that the decision to send this collection of shit, inexpensive cosmetics and snacks was not worth $127.20.

Instead of sending the parcel, your 'chief of staff' suggested I send you a picture of the package. Our mother has a heart of gold and always delivers the best interest of others. I on the other thought it would be hilarious to sarcastically present to you the stuff you never had.

So there's the photo... (You can see that I couldn't even be bothered to clean up in preparation of taking the photo.)

As you may be able to identity some of the items, they are all in fact listed below:

• 1x Small Tube of Advil
• 1x Small Package of wet wipes
• 6x Cliff bars (yum yum)
• 1x Vaseline body lotion
• 1x Toothpaste
• 1x Lip barm
• 1x Axe Deodorant
• 6x Condoms
• 4x Retail Magazines
• 1x Frankie Boyle Autobiography
• 3x tubs of sweeties!

I also scanned the letter that I intended to send to you. I'm sure this will confront you in your lonely times.

Anyway, stay safe over there. Mother did mention you're back X-Mas, which I found bizarre because I've never known of any 'part-time' soliders whilst the country is @ war. We will speak to you soon (if the international calls via VOiP is not too expensive!)

Regards,
Haley and Daniel

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